Christmas Mourning: The practical things (part 1)

It is so hard to believe how many of my friends and family are mourning this Christmas for loved ones lost this year of 2013. I lost my mother. My husband lost his father. All since August of this year.

There is no proper way to grieve.  Some will want to continue the special holiday events and traditions...others will want to postpone...still others may wish to "ignore" the holiday this year as too painful to endure.  No way is right, no way is wrong.

Do what is right for you...even if every one else in the family feels otherwise.  

You can't even go by what you think would make your lost love one the most happiest...if that is not what makes you feel most comfortable.

It is hard, no matter whether you expected it or whether it was a complete surprise and shock. There is really nothing anyone can say that will help, except that they will do what they can to help you.  You must ask them for help if you need and want it, and you must ask for peace and quiet if that is what you need and want.

When little ones are involved, that is a little different. You may need to carry on for them, but you can ask that things be scaled back.

It is a time to be grateful.  It may be a time you feel hurt and angry.  Find someone, a family member or friend or pastor whom you feel comfortable confiding in.

Don't be afraid to use the internet to help you get answers to questions you may have about services or what is expected of you.  We had many questions about basic services like burial or cremation.  There are many sites that will help you understand the processes and what will happen--so you don't need to try to compose yourself to speak with a person on the phone or in person until you have some facts.

A good mortuary will help you make decisions without pressing you to purchase more than you want.  You should always get plenty of certified death certificates. One will be supplied for Government use only, but other places will need one. Some will keep them, though often if you ask that it be returned to you, they can make a photocopy and return the original.  It can take some time to get additional copies, so better to have more than enough, than not enough. You might consider 6-10...I've heard of families ordering at least 15.  They can get expensive...about $20 a piece (in AZ), so think it through. 
 
After the initial shock of the pronouncement you will need to contact a few places...

• Social Security will be one that needs to handled.
• Place of Employment, unions, etc. There may be insurance policies paid through or even by work, so you may not know about them. 401(k) and other accounts. Some businesses allow you to purchase stock in the company...also something to check into.
• bank(s) [The bank we dealt with wouldn't allow the account to be touched for a minimum of 30 days, with a beneficiary listed]
• Insurance(s) Life,Health, and Auto
• Doctors, Dentists, Chiropractors, etc.
• Tax Preparer
• Bills in the descendent's name, and if they lived alone. You may not wish to cancel everything right away, but you may be able to cut out extra things you won't be using like long distance, or cable, etc. It can be surprisingly difficult to make changes to anyone else's accounts if you were not designated in a will or trust. A simple Power of Attorney "expires" upon the death of that person. For us, trying to cancel the cell phone even with the death certificate was near impossible with one company!  [If picking up the mail coming to their home and business is too difficult, you may be able to have all mail to those addresses forwarded to another responsible party. It is not a good idea to just stop the mail, there may be important information and records sent to that address.]
• Members of Church or Synagogue, clubs, etc.
• Veterans Affairs, if applicable.  There may be benefits you are unaware of, check out the website  http://www.va.gov/
• Hairdressers, since the person may have a standing appointment, they need to be notified.
• Magazines and newspapers and subscriptions

Obviously, not a complete list by any means, but there will be many phone calls and in-person meetings...and some places will refuse to speak to you.  

Try to locate their address book(s).  Hopefully they have hard copies and didn't keep everything on their computer or phones, since you may not have access codes.  

Ask friends who have been through this before if they have any helpful ideas or problems they didn't foresee, and how they resolved them.

It is overwhelming, even if you have gone through the process before.  Allow yourself the feelings you are having, and don't judge yourself harshly.  If you are fortunate enough to have had your course laid out for you by your loved one, all the better for you.  If this is out of the blue and all these things are dumped on you, well, that has happened to many of us.  You will survive this, with Love and Patience for yourself and your family members, friends, and those you need to deal with.  Pray and Give Thanks...A LOT!

A TOAST TO GLUHWEIN FROM THE CHRISTMAS MARKETS!

Do you know where you have to go to find one of these mugs?

My Brother and Sister-in-law got me started on these...and luckily, I can find these (occasionally) stateside, rather than in GERMANY!  They brought home one for me from their travels in Germany during the holiday...where there are quite a few Christmas markets that sell every type of Christmas item imaginable.  They are also famous for serving  Glühwein: a type of mulled wine that is served during the holiday season in collectible mugs such as these.  I actually picked up a few at local thrift stores!  To find out more about the markets...there are youtube videos to view...all a little different and all very enjoyable. 

view Christmas Markets 

There are 10 to view on this page...ranging from 1-5 minutes.  Have fun!

 

NOT A JOB...A SOURCE OF INCOME!

Take a different path...

I attended a media conference ( TechPhx ) recently and was chatting with a fellow attendee on the way to our cars.  I said something to her that nearly blew her away.  It wasn't anything I had thought of myself, but it seemed to take her by surprise.

We were discussing "needing a job"...and I turned to her and flatly stated that I didn't want a job, I wanted a source of income or rather provision.  You could see lightbulbs going off in her head.  "Oh," she said,"I never thought about it like that before!  ...but, you're RIGHT!"

We have trained ourselves to think that the only way to provide for ourselves and our family is to get (or make--taking the entrepreneurial route) a JOB...and if we work hard and go to college we will be rewarded with a good job and equally good wages.

Well, Dorothy...we aren't in Kansas anymore.   It is only in the recent past that people thought of having a job and that being their source of income or provision.  

In days gone by, we didn't hold that mind-set, and that mind-set didn't have the accompanying mind-limiting attributions.  

Your "job" was to provide for yourself and your family...and that meant you wore many hats and did many things.  You could provide for yourself by farming and gardening.  Probably both.  Your provision might show up in the form of hunted game or a catch of fish.  Your provision could come from your ability to sew and knit your own clothes.  You might have a few chickens.  Maybe you also grew and ground some wheat and baked your own bread...all without having a "job".

Fortunately, you could sell off your "extra" eggs or chickens, or you might be handy with a needle, or with wood working, or metal-smithing.  All these things might become a source of income--your provision--without you becoming a chicken farmer, or a seamstress, or a wood carver, or a blacksmith.

You could barter things you couldn't do or didn't want to do yourself.  

The trick is to provide for yourself as much as possible, barter or trade what you can't or won't do, and find a few things to sell.  


Suffice it to say that "jobs" tend to enslave us away from  being able to enjoy and live our lives.

    

Kitchen: Indian Summer Pudding

Indian Summer Pudding

I was in the mood for apple crisp the other night, but it was still kind of hot...like over 100°.  I also had wanted to see what I could do with my Mom's recipe for Malt-o-Meal with added beaten egg, brown sugar, milk, butter, and vanilla beaten into it.  This, Indian Summer Pudding was the result.

I used Organic Blue Cornmeal for the base.  It makes a lovely lavender color when prepared.

I was lucky to find this at Sprouts...keeps in freezer!

This dish is best eaten soon after making...

• 1/2 cup blue cornmeal (fine ground) 
• 1 TB ground flax seed (optional)
• 1 1/2 cup water
• one large beaten egg
• 1 TB Sugar (or sweetener of your choice)
• 1 TB butter
• 1 tsp high-grade vanilla
• milk to thin--if needed
• 
  

bring water to the boil...add a pinch of salt if you wish, but it is not necessary.  While stirring with a whisk, slowly add the cornmeal.  If it gets too thick to stir, you can add more water or milk. (Make sure you have  all ingredients right next to the stove--you don't want to leave the pan--you need to continue stirring or pull it off the stove.)
Reduce heat to low...whisk in beaten egg.  This will "fluff" the mixture a little.  When the egg is "cooked" you can turn the heat off and add vanilla, sugar (or agave or your choice of sweetener), and butter.  You want a thick paste that will "set up".  If it is too thin it won't act like a "crust". (It will still taste ok though.)

Lightly butter a casserole or deep dish pie plate.  Smooth the mixture over the bottom.

The "filling" is really a quick fruit compote that I serve with pork or chicken.  You can substitute any fruits and nuts that you prefer.  This is what I usually use.

• 1 can sliced peaches packed in pear juice. (You will use the juice from the can, pears might work with this, too.)

a couple of handfuls of dried fruits and nuts, including  

• raisins (golden or otherwise, or currents)
• dried Montmorency cherries
• dried blueberries
• dried cranberries
• raw almonds
• raw pepitas

add spices to taste:

• cinnamon (alone) OR with
• a little ground clove (very little or one whole clove)
• allspice
• 1 tsp vanilla (after away from heat)

Heat the peaches, dried fruits and nuts, and spices, until the fruits and nuts are plumped...stirring as needed over a low heat. (It will burn if you leave it too long)

When the fruit is plumped, remove from heat and allow to cool.  The mixture should be much thicker.

The topping I used was 

• 2% Fage plain Greek Yogurt with a little 
• agave syrup to sweeten.  (Add to your taste...or leave it plain--it's good that way, too.) 
• 1 tsp vanilla

you might use almond flavoring or even cherry.

This didn't take very much time...and my husband LOVED it!!  I managed to get one serving of this, my son didn't get any.  My husband had seconds and then took the balance in his lunch the next day. 

This is the kind of recipe that you use what you have on hand, and what you like.  There is nothing "exact" about it.  I liked that I could put in the ground flax seed--and my husband didn't balk a bit.  You could easily sneak in all kinds of healthy additions--wheat germ, etc.  Just don't overpower it.

The colors and flavors remind me of an Indian Summer

Let me know if you try this and what fruits and nuts you used!
 

Chicken Tri-color (Ingredients only)

Recipe (Ingredients only) for Chicken Tri-Color

Chicken Tri-Color over Bow-Tie Pasta

(serves 6)

• Chicken breast or breast tenders. roughly 1/2 a chicken breast or two tenders per serving cut into bite size pieces. Brown in a little olive oil. (to speed up the process, begin with boneless, skinless breast or tenders...left-over chicken cut into bite-sized pieces will also work, however--if previously cooked chicken is used--wait to add as the last ingredient.)  

• 1 large yellow or white onion (dried minced works well in this, too 2 or 3 TB) 

•  3 TB dried basil

• 1/2 to 1 tsp anise seed (optional--we like the strong licorice overtones it adds)

• 1-15 oz can + 1-8 oz can of diced tomatoes (whole tomatoes will also work if you chop them up a little--I sometimes use the tomatoes that have basil already in them--if you have garden tomatoes--Go for it and pat yourself on the back! (3-8 oz cans will also do fine--and if you are not making 6 servings--cut back to two cans of tomatoes or one large)

• Fresh Baby Spinach washed(equal to 2-3 servings)

• 2 small to medium yellow squash (crookneck is best, any will do--you can even substitute another summer squash like zucchini)

• Serve over Bow-Tie pasta (cooked according to package directions and how many servings you are making)
  

• top with a little extra virgin olive oil, grated cheese (we like a blend of 6 Italian cheeses, but in the photo we used a smoked string cheese), olives, and raw pepitas for a little crunch. 

Kitchen: Chicken Tri-Color

Chicken Tri-Color over bow-tie pasta

This is one of my favorite dinners.  Bow-tie pasta is the perfect pasta for this dish.  

Chicken Tri-Color over Bow-Tie Pasta

(serves 6)

• Chicken breast or breast tenders. roughly 1/2 a chicken breast or two tenders per serving cut into bite size pieces. Brown in a little olive oil. (to speed up the process, begin with boneless, skinless breast or tenders...left-over chicken cut into bite-sized pieces will also work, however--if previously cooked chicken is used--wait to add as the last ingredient.)  

• 1 large yellow or white onion (dried minced works well in this, too 2 or 3 TB) 

•  3 TB dried basil

• 1/2 to 1 tsp anise seed (optional--we like the strong licorice overtones it adds)

• 1-15 oz can + 1-8 oz can of diced tomatoes (whole tomatoes will also work if you chop them up a little--I sometimes use the tomatoes that have basil already in them--if you have garden tomatoes--Go for it and pat yourself on the back! (3-8 oz cans will also do fine--and if you are not making 6 servings--cut back to two cans of tomatoes or one large)

• Fresh Baby Spinach washed(equal to 2-3 servings)

• 2 small to medium yellow squash (crookneck is best, any will do--you can even substitute another summer squash like zucchini)

• Serve over Bow-Tie pasta (cooked according to package directions and how many servings you are making)

• top with a little extra virgin olive oil, grated cheese (we like a blend of 6 Italian cheeses, but in the photo we used a smoked string cheese), olives, and raw pepitas for a little crunch. 

 

•  Chicken Tri-Color Ingredients only link

 

 Preparation

Fairly simple procedure--begin by cutting raw chicken into bite size pieces--remember they will shrink a little.  Brown the chicken in a pan.  (For better browning, use a little larger pan, or don't place as much chicken in the pan at a time as shown here...I was rushing things a bit...

brown the chicken, adding chopped onion or dried minced onion & spices

Season the browning chicken with salt and pepper to taste, adding chopped onions or dried minced onion, basil, and anise seed.

add the tomatoes

Add the tomatoes and allow to simmer about 10 minutes.  

ease the washed baby spinach in--this is only half the bag

The baby spinach will need to be "eased" into the pot, a little at a time.  We are just trying to "wilt" the spinach, not "cook" it.

lastly add the thinly sliced yellow squash 

Thinly slice the washed yellow squash and add it too the pot while the spinach is wilting.
We think the yellow squash is best when slightly undercooked, but you could cook it longer.

plated over bow-tie pasta

It is pretty to look at...and very tasty, and on the "healthy" meal side you could use a whole grain pasta or brown rice pasta or skip the pasta altogether and serve it on a bed of spaghetti squash.  You could use a nut based cheese.  What is on sale, what do you have in the cupboard (or from your garden)...these recipes are not "exact"-- substitutions are expected!  You could use canned chicken and frozen spinach...though the result would not be quite as satisfying.

Kitchen: Corn Fritter Pancakes for DINNER!

Corn Fritter Pancakes...Great for Dinner!

We enjoy eating "breakfast" for dinner once in a while.  It can lower the average cost of dinner meals if you throw in "breakfast" for dinner.  Pancakes and eggs...and sausage or bacon or a slab of ham if you desire meat as well, (my husband does...).  Add a fruit salad and milk or a cup of coffee and there you are.

Making these is pretty simple.  Use whatever pancake recipe you prefer...you can even use pancake mix.  You will need to adjust the liquid because you will be using a small can of creamed corn which adds some moisture. 

Here is the recipe that I used--I actually prefer substituting half wheat flour and reducing or eliminating the salt, especially since there is salt in the creamed corn and baking soda will add saltiness.

Corn Fritter Pancakes *

combine dry ingredients

 in a batter bowl or large (8 cup) measuring cup

• 1 cup unbleached flour just stir to add a little air before measuring--sifting is not required
• 1 TB sugar
• 1 TB baking powder (look for a product without aluminum in it)
• 1/2 tsp baking soda
• 1/2 tsp salt (OPTIONAL--I chose to omit this)

using a whisk (or a fork ) mix thoroughly to distribute the ingredients well.

combine liquid ingredients 

• 1  cup (plus maybe a little more) buttermilk or sour milk** (see info below)
• 1 egg well beaten
• 2 TB cooking oil (like olive, corn, canola, etc.)
• 1 small can of creamed corn

blend the liquids until well mixed

Add the dry ingredients all at once, stirring lightly to combine.  You are just trying to combine and wet the ingredients--over mixing is not a good idea.  If you find that there is NOT enough moisture, you may need to add a bit more milk.  How can you tell?  If the batter does not spread on it's own--it is too thick.  If it runs all over the place, there is not enough flour...it not as easy to fix that...so better to be too thick, than too thin!

**to make "soured milk" place 1 TB apple cider vinegar (you might substitute lemon juice) in the measuring cup and then fill with milk to the measure.

To cook the pancakes, heat the griddle and then check with a few drops of water to see if they dance around.  If they instantly dry up--too hot...reduce heat and wait until the drops dance.  If they just sit and sizzle or do little--not hot enough.  Make sure you use some oil on the skillet to keep them from sticking. (You will need to add more during the cooking process)  

you want to see "bubbles breaking" and dryness around the edge to turn

Use a 1/4 cup measuring cup to get a "perfect" size consistently.  The batter should spread mostly by itself, but ok if you help a little.  Wait until you see the edges beginning to "dry"--won't appear shiny...and the bubbles beginning to break...then turn...only once for best results.

It won't be long to cook the other side.  If you like--remove them to a warmed plate, and place in a warm oven or even the microwave.  If there will be any time at all before serving, it might be helpful to place them on a paper towel to help keep the excess moisture build up.

Serve with butter and usually these are topped off with a dusting of powdered sugar--use a sieve and sprinkle the sugar on top.  Of course, you might like honey, or maple syrup, or even molasses on top.  A couple fried eggs, or maybe scrambled and a slice of ham go well with this.  A fruit salad and you have your breakfast for dinner!

• The plate used at the top is by LENOX: Desert Vista.